


The tragedy of Steve's nuts.

by Doodlegirl1998



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awesome Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Civil War Team Iron Man, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack and Angst, Gen, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) Lives, Not Beta Read, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 10:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14162793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doodlegirl1998/pseuds/Doodlegirl1998
Summary: Inspired by a thread I saw on Tumblr about a what if JARVIS was in the suit during Siberia...There were two outcomes put forth...Option A - Jarvis would calm Tony down and things would have been resolved somewhat peacefullyorOption B. Jarvis would have been like: sir I believe we should kick him in the dick.You know which one I prefer >:D





	The tragedy of Steve's nuts.

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [史蒂夫蛋蛋受难记](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15730227) by [sherlydear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlydear/pseuds/sherlydear)



> Happy Easter and April Fools guys :)  
> I hope you enjoy this small crack fic I wrote inspired by this Tumblr thread.  
> http://bewareofchris.tumblr.com/post/165875229542/bisexualtrucy-i-feel-like-civil-war-would-have

"Dont bullshit me Rogers. Did you  _know?"_

“Yes.”

Tony’s mind was reeling in shock as his body flinches away, he knew, Steve knew how his parents died.

He now knew the truth about what had happened to them, how the Winter Soldier had killed them both and Steve didn’t think to tell him.

Tony’s heart was thudding in his ears.

Red was clouding his Vision.

But just before he was about to act; to lash out blindly at Steve a Familar voice comes from the suit.

“Sir.”

 _JARVIS_.

All three pairs of eyes in room snap to the suit, Tony freezes and looks down at it.

“You know how to pick your moments don’t you J? Fuck.” Tony growls in a wavering voice, he annoyingly can see his Vision waver from the tears that his eyes are desperately clinging to.

Howard Stark didn’t raise a crier.

Come to think of it Howard didn’t really raise him at all.

That was his mum. And Jarvis.

“I know what you want to do Sir. But I don’t believe it’s the best course of action, Sergeant Barnes wasn’t to blame.-” JARVIS begins in a soothing voice.

Incredulously, Tony looks back to the now dull, dark screen that had shown the mission report. “How could you say that?! I just watched him kill my mother!”

Steve moves forward, having been given a false sense of confedience by JARVIS’s words, “Thank you JARVIS.”

“The same can not unfortunately be said for you, Mr Rogers.” Steve’s smile falls whilst JARVIS’s voice becomes more menacing. “Sir, I believe we should kick him in the dick.”

Tony’s face twists into a evil grin as he brings his armoured foot back and kicks Steve dick crunchingly hard between the legs.

An embarrassingly high pitched scream can be heard for miles beyond the Siberian base.

The only people that knew the true cause of it were; Tony, Bucky, Steve, T'Challa and Zemo (who got almost paralytic in laughter about the whole incident especially when he and T'Challa found Captain America doubled over and desperately clutching his balls.)

Steve swears privately, even months after the event that his manhood is still not quite the same.


End file.
